the privilege of enjoyment : the enjoyment of privilege

(I started writing this back in March)

Every spring our principal will ask us to sign an Intent to Return document.  Even though I’ve had great inner turmoil each year for the last three years of teaching, I’ve signed it and returned.  Now in year four, and now March again, I know that document is coming soon.  Commence (or rather, continue) my annual melodramatic contemplative episodes.

I’ve been pondering the question of whether or not it is right for us to seek out “the perfect job,” one where you feel satisfied and good about the work you do.  One that brings a certain level of fulfillment to your life.  One that aligns with all the values that you have.  Is it chasing after the wind?

Teaching allows me to live out a lot of my values but I the bigger questions are about my skills and my quality of life.  My job is stressful.  There is seemingly no end to the amount of work that could be done, and because of that I never feel successful at the end of the day.  There are always a few students who didn’t get what we did that day, who made a poor choice and missed out, who aren’t making the connections they are supposed to be.  This makes me feel like a failure.

So do I run?  It seems a privilege to even have the choice to do that – to run after what I ENJOY.  After 4 years in the inner city and 3 summers with the urban poor in Phnom Penh it seems I too like my privilege more than I am willing to admit – and I will try to enjoy it.

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